I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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