oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
