God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
