and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
