I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
