we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think your dad took our porno
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
