That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
