My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
