okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
