Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
