apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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