I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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