I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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