Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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