My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
