is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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