I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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