if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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