I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
