We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
