Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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