I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
