For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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