i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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