I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
