is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
