i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
