Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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