Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
