so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
