this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
