I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I still have a little drunk in my system
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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