If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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