i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Welp...herpes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
