Kiss
Puke
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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