She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
