I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
