i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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