I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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