When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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