think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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