Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
