How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
