Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
