i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
