I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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