yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
