Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm going to jail i love you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
