i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i believe in u and ur pee
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
