now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
