I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
