The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
