This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
