I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
